“My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline, but don’t be crushed by it either. It’s the child He loves that He disciplines; the child He embraces, He also corrects….Watch out for the Esau syndrome: trading away God’s lifelong gift in order to satisfy a short-term appetite. You well know how Esau later regretted that impulsive act and wanted God’s blessing---but by then it was too late, tears or no tears.” Heb. 12:5-7, 16-17.
“Discipline your children while you still have the chance; indulging them destroys them,” Prov. 19:18.
“Wise discipline imparts wisdom; spoiled adolescents embarrass their parents,” Prov. 29:15.
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“Woooh! They sure have a lot of spankin’ spoons Momma!” William said in wide eyed disbelief. “Oh William, those are all Ms. Terri’s cooking tools, not her spanking spoons. Some people keep them on their counters so they are quick to reach,” I said hoping to relieve the dismay he must have felt thinking anyone needed that many spankings.
Spankings, time outs, apology notes, missing out on desserts and activities, making right what you’ve made wrong (which most often involves a sponge and spray bottle): these are all tools in our arsenal to help impart wisdom to our boys. We’ve never found one magic bullet that takes care of every situation, the disciple is tailored to the offense. The ‘apology note’ pictured was from Wyatt (3) to Tad, asking forgiveness for wiping a boogie on his remote-controlled ‘tarantulot.’ The Proverbs speak over and over again about passing wisdom on to our children so that they may come to know the blessings God has for them. I want my boys to take hold of those blessings, so I’m in this for the long haul, praying for His wisdom to guide me in my discipline choices.
In training and correcting my boys, God has set me on a lively path towards knowing Him more. I have begun to understand that His prohibitions are not meant to be kill joys, but to protect and preserve me from destruction that lies down the road I can’t yet see, but He does. God’s desire is to bless us, but our obedience is required. His desire is to protect us from the harm He sees coming, a desire three rambunctious little boys have helped make crystal clear to me. Just as children cannot be expected to truly understand all the pains we are preserving them from with our rules, as adults I don’t think we always understand the purpose behind God’s prohibitions. But, I get the sense that God is telling me what I tell my boys, ‘you don’t always have to agree, understand or like the rule, but you do have to obey it.’
No one likes to be the heavy when it comes to disciplining. In my heart I would rather say, ‘ok, just go ahead and have the dessert, skip the spanking, or forget about having to use your money to buy your brother a new baseball card, I’ll do it for you.’ My love for them wants to shield them from the negative consequences of their behavior. I want them to have the blessing; I want to be the blessor. My love makes me want to cover their transgressions and move on to dessert.
Ultimately, what I want is to spare them the pain or loss associated with their bad choice. But, for how long will I be able to do that? The Bible gives us front row seats to the unfolded stories of many lost blessings God intended for His obedient children to enjoy. As much as I really want the offender to be able to join in the dessert, so much more I want him to learn these lessons while he is young and dessert is all he’s losing. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) I’ve known too many people who never learned these lessons young and the price they now pay as young adults is devastating. While the stakes are low (dessert) I’m hoping the lessons of God’s word are taking root so when the stakes are high (marriage/homes/careers) they will be prepared to chose God rather than impulse. In teaching little boys I’ve found they often have to learn their lessons many, many times before the lessons take root into their response system.
I have told my boys many times, ‘it makes me sad that you didn’t help your brothers clean up the mess you guys made in the basement because now it’s dessert time and I really wanted you to be able to enjoy that with them.” Their response, naturally is ‘so why don’t you just let me have it, please, please?’ “If I give you dessert now I’m teaching you your bad choices do not have consequences, when clearly they do.” I point back to these instances as reminders of loss in the past to help them from experiencing loss in the future. Ultimately they must choose. I am fully aware that free will is the giant wild card in all this mix which at times definitely trumps all training. Just as we purposely choose what we know God forbids, be it in the form of an angry outburst, lying, gossip, or coveting; so do our children. We all deal with the consequences.
Most times I am tempted to cave and relinquish the punishment I think, ‘start with the end in mind’. The end I want is boys who understood that our actions have consequences, good and bad. When they chose what they know to be wrong they cannot expect that good will still come to them. I can already see that as they get older the ante is being upped on the consequences for decisions they make. When a 16 year old child, bored with school decides he’s done, then so are his dreams to be a vet regardless of every effort a well intended mother makes to relieve this consequence. Ultimately, my boys will choose on their own, obedience or disobedience. It is my responsibility as their mother to help point them to God in their decision making.
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Don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline; don’t sulk under His loving correction. It’s the child He loves that God corrects; a father’s delight is behind all this. Prov. 3:12
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