Knock, Knock---poverty

"Give freely and spontaneously. Don't have a stingy heart. The way you handle matters like this triggers God, your God's, blessing in everything you do, all your work and ventures. There are always going to be poor and needy people among you. So I command you: Always be generous, open purse and hands, give to your neighbors in trouble, your poor and hurting neighbors." Deut. 15:10-11.

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When you grow up poor as a kid you don’t usually know it. Everyone around you is poor so you figure that’s just how life goes. You know there are ups and downs, so when there’s no heat or food you know that’s a rough patch because you usually do have heat and food. You pile on more blankets and hope for a new defense contract so work will start up again for your dad. Rich and poor are all relative.

One day a pastor living out the Great Commission stopped at our house to invite our family to church. At that time the extent of what I did and where I went centered on school and my yard, so I was eager to expand my horizons. I usually attended alone but that didn’t bother me. I looked forward to that little old church bus rumbling up to my door weekly.

I felt myself pulled to the Something bigger than me this church thing was all about. I was intrigued and I was inspired to see life could hold promise and hope. Life could be about more than the pervasive sense of urgency to meet daily needs. Church was a safe place and I longed for that.

On one of the trips back and forth to church I must have inadvertently made a comment about our lack of food. Kids are honest and revealing, even when they don’t intend to be. Guess that’s why Jesus commands us to become like little children to grasp His kingdom…

The next day there were bags of food left on our front porch. Just a little knock but no one at the door. We wondered where the food came from. It was my mom who figured it out.

The church knew my father. He was a prideful, hard man. When someone suggested we apply for assistance, he chose no heat and no food to the humbling that asking for help would have required.

Church members knew the food must be left as discreetly as possible if it was to be of any help. As kids we felt like we had won the lottery with the bonanza of food, but we also feared our fortune could be snatched away if our father interpreted this as an act of pity.

My life today is quite a departure from those days. My uncle joked when he visited, ‘wow Jenny, you’ve done well for yourself.’ “Yeah, not exactly living in an apartment over top the Firestone garage anymore, huh!”

Those roots have shaped a big part of who I am today. Poverty sticks to you like stale second home smoke. It’s just not easily shaken. For years I wanted to put as much distance between poverty and myself as I could. You can only turn your back on it for so long though when God is actively working in a heart.

I guess there was a piece of me that figured the further I got away from it the less likely I was to return. It was just a few years ago I realized my childhood probably has something to do with my obnoxiously overly stocked pantry basement.

It also probably has something to do with my decision to make sure my boys liked beans. Crazy as it sounds, I knew if we were ever desperate for food, beans would provide a filling protein and could be prepared a multitude of ways cheaply. Today bean soup & burritos are two of their favorite foods! Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst…

I’ve worked to help my boys understand the blessing they live in, but to them it’s their normal. I’ve tried to raise their awareness of poverty and have them step into it at times. As a family we’ve served in missions, sponsored children, sent Operation Christmas child boxes, etc. But honestly, I knew while all this was helping to create compassion in them, they still really didn’t understand. A few random days here and there to have a taste of need but then back to the extravagance that is normal for them. Makes those little deposits a bit blurry in the grand scheme...

Until recently that is. Tad has a friend whose family is living below the poverty line. We go to pick him up and have started including him in our lives when we can. Tad says none of Juan’s other friends come to pick him up or have him for sleep overs. The language barrier with Juan’s mother and his impoverished living conditions probably have a lot to do with that. This just makes me sad.

Juan is a great kid to have around. He’s always grateful and cleans his plate at every meal. When I watched him look around in wide-eyed wonder at our house I put him at ease by assuring him, ‘I didn’t grow up in a house like this, I know it seems really big.’ A 4-bedroom suburban home is palatial living to a kid sharing an apartment bedroom with 3 siblings.

Tad began to talk to me about how different his life is from his little friend. “Momma, there have been Christmas’s when Juan has not gotten any presents,” that’s when poverty started to become real for Tad.

“Momma, kids at school have no idea how poor Juan is.”

“Yes and that’s one of the best things about school. It can be the great equalizer. Make sure you never say anything that would give an indication how poor Juan is.”

This was an opportunity to talk about how easy it is to take for granted all the blessing we live in. We talked about how we could make some of those opportunities available to Juan that he would not otherwise have.

Tad’s beginning to understand poverty as he sees it lived out through the eyes of his good little friend. He’s beginning to see the contrast, which shows him his ‘normal’ is supremely blessed. He’s never missed a birthday party because we couldn’t afford a gift. But that’s Juan’s lot.

So when Tad celebrated his birthday a few weeks ago I knew Juan was eager to come, I also knew he wouldn’t be able to because he’d be unable to pay the obligatory ‘admittance fee’ for birthday parties. I asked Juan how he felt about me giving him a wrapped gift to bring back to Tad’s birthday party. His eyes lit up and a smile covered his face ear to ear.

The following week my husband Chris had all our boys and Juan at basketball practice where he met Juan’s dad. Juan’s dad is a maintenance man for the public schools and he happened to be working where practice was held that night. Juan doesn’t see his dad very much because he lives an hour away. His dad doesn’t speak much English but he proudly said, ‘that’s my boy’ after a big hug. He also gave Juan $30 in cash.

The next day was our birthday party. Chris picked Juan up Juan had Tad open his gift on the car ride back to our house. The expected Tony Hawk hat was inside. But, to our surprise, so was a $10 bill. The kid who doesn’t have money was sharing the surprise $30 windfall he’d received with the kid who has everything. This was an awesome moment for us to be a part of. Who knew when God was prompting us to give out of our abundance that Juan would be prompted to give out of his momentary abundance?

Tad also got birthday money from his Mimi and Papu. However, Mimi and Papu didn’t talk to each other before sending him birthday money, so he hit the bonanza---double gift!

Tad decided he wanted to put half his money towards making sure Juan and his brothers and sisters had gifts this Christmas. I don’t think I’ve ever been prouder of him. He gave from his abundance and he’s learning the blessing that comes from living life open handed.

We’ve purchased the presents and talked about how we can give them in secret. When I mentioned just knocking on their door and leaving the gifts, Tad said, “that’s exactly what I was thinking Momma!”

I’ve never told Tad about the little knock that left such a big impression on me years ago…have a feeling that conversation is up and coming!

PS—lest anyone think the sereneness of the wrapping images would lead you to believe the scene was peaceful, full disclosure--- It was full of the same craziness the boys kick up every day, all day complete w/their wrestling & resulting bloody noses and need for ice packs! Keepin’ it real! Merry Christmas!

Bruised Rose--worth

“But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed.” Isaiah 53:5

Yesterday, while cramming 1001 errands into as few trips as possible during this crazy Christmas season, I was stopped by the sweet older gentleman who runs the produce department at my grocery store. Thank God I didn’t bowl him over in the isle as I was racing back to get tortilla shells while the grocery clerk was busy ringing up my order. (yes I’m THAT person—although relax, there was no one in line behind me.)

This produce man offered me a dozen roses. I politely declined, more than a little confused. He persisted, ‘please, have some roses for free.’ He was always so kind while I was shopping, but I had no idea where this gesture was coming from.

Then I noticed the roses were a little damaged looking. Their petals were showing signs of brown and when seeking to make a declaration of love to your wife or girlfriend, these roses weren’t going to make the cut.

So, although they were not good enough to sell, the produce man saw their inherent beauty and figured someone else would too. It was very touching that he had desired to share what others might not see the value in. Many would have just thrown them out, but he recognized the waste in that when there was beauty to share. Just because something isn’t perfect doesn’t mean it can’t be perfectly beautiful.

I wanted to pay the roses forward and offer this gesture to someone else. A very pregnant woman came into my line but she politely declined as I had. I persisted. She declined again and said she was going to the hospital the next day to have her baby and she didn’t want their beauty to go to waste.

So I decided to keep the roses because I could see a story unfolding in them. While speaking with my friend Nikki last night the events of the day came up. She encouraged me to write this devotion because it was speaking to her heart.

Through the record of these devotions, it is my hearts desire that my boys have this record of their discipling journey. And, if in the process other moms are encouraged to pursue God by our very flawed journey, then that is an added bonus. (although I should be working on Nikki’s album design right now! Still wanting more hours in every day!)

The beauty of the roses was readily apparent. I guess we have a choice, get stuck on the flaws and try to hide them or accept that life is flawed and focus on the beauty. We are created to be beautiful and we all end up marred by this life. Yet, Father God looks down from heaven at us, His precious kids, and He still looks crazy in love with us because we are His kids, period.

Our inherent value is in who we belong to, not what happens to us. We may not always see our value. Sometimes we focus on the things in our life that the world would say reduces our value. Our fears, our sins, our insecurities and we say, ‘I don’t measure up.’ We live in defeat and the lie that says that stuff decides our value.

Meanwhile, the Lord desires to draw closer to Him where we will find our true worth. In Him our heart rejoices and finds rest. The key seems to be silencing those other voices that shout our worth is found in our appearance, our gifts, our mistakes… His voice is often a whisper, but no sweeter whisper when sought above the chaos of life.

I noticed all the roses on the perimeter of the dozen were the most tattered. They weathered the bulk of the beating this dozen had taken. However, right in the center, that rose was unscathed. It was perfect. Immediately, the Scripture, Proverbs 4:23 popped into my mind, “Guard your heart more than anything else, because the source of your life flows from it."

Lord we pray you would teach us to guard our hearts and how to guard our children’s hearts from the things that would crush their spirits. This is no easy task. Our hearts were made to long for You and remind us of that when we would try and fill that God shaped hole in our heart with empty things life offers.

Teach us to know You in our busted down, bruised up life. Teach us what it means to have our hearts guarded in Christ Jesus as we seek to know You more through this life.

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“Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:7

Punches--Bullies

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“Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.”

Romans 12:9-10

“Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down. Get along with each other; don’t be stuck up. Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody. Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone. I’ve you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody. Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it.” Our Scripture tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he’s thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don’t let evil ge the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.”

Romans 12:14-21

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“Jenny come back, come back here!!!” I have a faint recollection of hearing my mother’s frantic voice yelling this from the back stoop of our row home. I was about 8 at the time.

What I do vividly remember is a neighborhood friend coming to me in tears because bullies had taken his bike. What the??!! Anger welled up and my blood boiled. I was on fire to set the world right for my friend. My size 8xxs pants, gathered tighter with safety pins so they wouldn't fall down, was never a consideration or deterrent. Size just didn't seem to be a factor when a friend needed your help and everything within me felt compelled to make this situation right.

So, I was hell bent on getting my friends bike back and giving those bullies a piece of my mind. I jumped on my own bike and raced down the alley to find them. Someone must have told my mom of my plan, but a little too late. Cue frantic mother yelling from the stoop for Jenny’s return.

What was my plan when I found those fools? Hadn’t thought that far in advance. What was wrecking me up inside was seeing my friend so hurt. The injustice of it all sent me into action, totally unprepared, but action nonetheless.

I rode around looking for those fools, but never did find them. As my search failed to produce the villains I was hungry for, fear began to set in. What would I do when I found those guys? I hoped my fear would not be evident, only my anger. I must have hoped that pulling an old cat trick---shackles up in defensive stance, would make me appear much larger than I actually was!

Upon failing to locate the boys I rode home in defeat. I wanted to make this better for my friend and get his bike returned to him. In actuality, what he wanted and needed more than his bike, was time with a friend. I had never even considered that. I think in the long run it was probably better for him that I hadn’t found the bullies. A girl going to settle your score probably would have only made his situation worse. Not something I had ever considered at that age.

Events like this one shaped me into a person with very little tolerance for meanness or bullying. Randomly I have stood up to bullies in my life and never once regretted it.

My boys and I have had many conversations to encourage the development of kindness and compassion. We are very intentional about stepping into people’s lives to be the hands and feet of Jesus. Yes we get it wrong sometimes, but that’s all part of the learning curve!

We look for ways to treat people as Jesus would have. Empathy is something that most kids need to see in action to be able to model. On the other end of the spectrum, I come down on them like a ton of bricks when I see meanness well up in them.

Lately seems conversations about bullies have been coming up a lot. Tad and his best little buddy Dominic were creating lists of “Come Backs” to help them be prepared for when it was time to go on the defensive. More and more stories have been coming home from school about kids at school being left out or hurt by others intentionally.

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Then yesterday a prayer request came through my church re a mom’s plea for her 10 year old that is being bullied and left out repeatedly in school. This is the same day Wyatt told me about a friend being punched in the nose in the bathroom.

Then randomly this morning during breakfast I asked my boys if they were still doing their Yoga unit in Health class for yoga, knowing it was a favorite unit for them. They told me the unit was over and now they were talking about bullying. God couldn’t have been any clearer---it was time to finish this blog I had started a while ago and share an article we had found helpful so that possibly it might be a help to other families.

Naturally then our breakfast time conversation centered on bullying. We talked about how Jesus really messed with people’s categories when He told them to love their enemies. “That just goes against everything we want to do, doesn’t it!? I don’t want to love people who are mean. I just want to be mean back and see them be hurt,” I told them.

“Sometimes people who are mean are very lonely and they act mean to hide how sad they are,” Wyatt told me.

“Yes, just like in that book we read a while ago, Goodness Guerillas,” I said. Cue me running to find that book per the boys request! (ran out of time to read it, but it’s on the weekend list now!)

My boys all went on to ask, ‘why do most parents tell kids to just hit punch the bully back?’

So we talked about how moms and dads just want to protect their kids. They want to give their kids the tools to help them avoid being trampled on through life. I tried to explain to them how much it hurts moms and dads to see their kids in pain, knowing full well this is something they won’t really get until they have children.

“We do a lot of teaching and training to try and prepare you for these times in life to help you avoid being hurt,” I told them.

“Wyatt do you happen to remember Field Day 2 years ago? I was there to cheer on your games and have lunch with you. When I arrived you guys were playing Duck, Duck Goose and the game was almost over but you hadn’t been picked yet.

Ms. Jen was running the game and she said, ‘Wyatt still needs to be picked,’ but no one picked you before it was time to move on to the next game. I saw this and I just wanted to run over and pick you. I saw you shrug and smile at Ms. Jen like it was no big deal; but I knew inside you must be hurting. When you saw me, your cool look melted away like an ice cream cone on a hot summer day. I could see the sadness right away and you came over to me and I hugged on you.

Do you remember what happened next? Your little friend Olivia came over and saw you were sad. She said, ‘Oh Wyatt next time I will pick you,” and then she gave you a big hug.

I thought about how God was taking a sad thing and bringing good from it. God was growing compassion in Olivia. As your mom I wanted to spare you the sadness you were feeling, but your Father God has greater plans of something He wanted to grow in you.

God hates things like kids feeling left out, but He’s also the master of bringing good from those kinds of things. He can take ugly and grow beautiful from it. He takes sadness over being left out and wants to create compassion. After that happened I started praying God would remind you of that day when you saw a kid who felt left out.

Remember later that night we talked about why you thought that had happened and we prayed about it. I asked you if maybe you had broken bridges with your friends that day or if maybe people were confusing you and Will (Will and Wyatt are twins) or maybe people just already had in mind who they were going to choose. You told me you thought that people were expecting Will to choose you, but instead he had chosen Lance, leaving you left out.

I prayed that you would always remember that feeling and God would grow kindness in you. I know that typically you are a kid who gets picked pretty quickly for stuff because you are athletic and that can easily create pride. Also, it has a way of blinding you to the needs of kids who don’t get picked over and over again. Sometimes being on a winning team becomes more important than making sure everyone feels a part of what’s going on. “

Our conversation progressed into how the boys can step into the lives of kids who are being left out. We talked about strategies for standing up to bullies without having to tattle.

“Remember when we talked about holding your head up, not looking down in defeat when someone has hurt your feelings? We talked about saying one quick line with your cool look on and then walking away with your head up. (See article at the end of this blog.)

“But all our teachers are telling us to tell on the kid,” they all persisted.

“Yes, I know because they want to try and help. They don’t want a kid to keep quiet about it, but tell me how much tattling really helps the situation,” I asked.

“Not really but you do get a Road Runner,” they reported.

“Are bullies good at finding the times when teachers aren’t around to bully a kid?” I asked.

“Yes, they always get kids in the bathroom and at recess and when the teacher’s not looking,” they assured me.

“So let’s talk about our strategies that will help you to be able to stand up for yourself and others you might see being bullied,” I said.

We spent the next few minutes practicing what you’ll read below. When it comes to this topic I’ve realized there are no pat answers that will always help a kid in these ugly situations. But there is always our God who brings beauty from ashes.

I do firmly believe that God is not above using our kids’ hurts to grow wonderful things in their lives. I have to fight my instinct to want to keep them in a hurt free zone (not that it's possible anyway!) and trust God to use that hurt to develop beauty in their lives. For the parent who is praying for a friend for their child---I join with you in that prayer. I will continue to challenge my boys to look for that child and be a friend. I pray for boldness for our kids to step into a kid’s life that is being ignored. I pray for boldness for our kids to step up for kids, even at cost to themselves. I pray as parents we can help our kids have eyes to see the hurt around them and they would be equipped to step smack dab in the middle of it to make a friend where they may be none otherwise.

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Article excerpted from Love and Logic parenting resource:

Tease Proof Your Kids

Jim Fay

The trick to "teaseproofing" a youngster is giving him/her the skills to be able to handle teasing. Once the child realizes he/she can actually handle the problem, you will see a change in the non-verbal attitude.

Mr. Mendez, a wonderful second-grade teacher, "teaseproofed" his whole class. He said to the class, "Kids, the reason kids tease other kids is that it makes them feel superior. Now you can let them get away with this or you can use an adult one-liner. But first of all, we all have to practice the ´cool look.´"

This teacher had the kids practice standing with their hands in their pockets, rocking back on their heels, and putting a cool grin on their face.

He practiced this over and over. Every now and then, he would yell out, "Let’s see your ´cool look.´" The kids would all jump out of their seats and put on the "look."

Once they had all mastered the "cool look," he said, "When kids start to tease you, put on your ´cool look.´ Keep the look going while they tease. As soon as they get through putting you down, use your one-liner."

The one-liner he taught them is one of the famous Love and Logic One-Liners, "Thanks for sharing that with me. "Mr. Mendez had the kids practice this, making sure that they kept the "cool look" on while they said the words.

Every now and then, when the kids would least expect it, he would yell out, "Let me hear your one liner!" And the kids would practice saying the words, making sure to grin while they said them.

Once the teacher felt that the class had mastered saying, "Thanks for sharing that with me," in the appropriate way, he started having them practice jumping up out of their seats, putting on the "cool look," and saying their one-liner.

The next step was for the kids to learn to turn around on the last word and walk away fast without looking back at the teasing child. Needless to say, they all did their practice until the skill was mastered. They even spent some of their recess time practicing this on the playground.

Now that the skill was learned, practiced and mastered, Mr. Mendez could implement his part of the operation. When children came to him to tattle about others teasing them he consistently asked, "Did you let him get by with it or did you use your ‘cool skill’?"

In the event that child admitted that he had not used his/her skill, the teacher said, "How sad that you let him get away with it. Do you suppose you are going to continue to let him get by with it or are you going to use your skill? It’s your choice, but tattling to me is no longer a choice."

Mr. Mendez tells us that the amount of tattling and complaining has been reduced by over 90%. He also proudly tells about one of his students who came to him asking if they had to use the one-liner he taught them, or could they make up their own.

This second-grader wanted to demonstrate to the class the one-liner that he used so successfully on the playground.

He stood before the class and said, "This other kid on the playground was dissin´ me. He said I had the skinniest arms in the whole school. I put on my ´cool look.´ I grinned and said, ´Bummer, I thought I was cool, man.´ I walked away before he could figure out what to say. Man, I blew his mind!"

All the kids clapped for this skillful second-grader, and the teacher beamed with pride as he thought to himself, "Now that kid is really ‘teaseproofed’ for sure."

You don’t have to wait for the teacher to "teaseproof" your kids. You can do it in your home the same way Mr. Mendez did in the classroom. What a gift you can give your child, and come to think of it, what a gift it is to a parent to know that we can send our kids out into the world "teaseproofed."

Since the development of the "cool look" skill, many different kids have found sanctuary in its use. One of the most creative applications was seen at a local school where the kids seem to take great pleasure in claiming to do research on the behavior of other kids’ mothers and attacking each other with this information when they are mad.

One kid yelled out to the other, "Yo momma’s a ho´. The youngster being attacked put on his "cool look “and returned, "I tell her to be nice, but she gets mad when I tell her what to do." With this he turned and walked away.

Little & Big Loss--consequences

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"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11

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“But Momma, I didn’t choose to chase after her, it just happened, I did it without choosing it! I didn’t think about it, I just did it,” Wyatt sobbed in frustration as he ramblingly explained why he left the yard on his Razor motorcycle to go chase a neighbor girl baiting him into a game of chase down the street.

“I know you didn’t think about it, but that’s the problem. You got really excited because Alyssa wanted to race you on the motorcycle but you didn’t stop to think if it was something you were allowed to do or not. You know you are not allowed to leave the yard on your motorcycle without permission,” I explained.

In my mind I had total sympathy. I know exactly how it had gone down, Alyssa threw down the challenge with a simple ‘you can’t catch me’ and it was all over from there. We thrive on challenges in this house and well, we just aren’t very good at backing down.

That combined with a love of speed and Wyatt was all too eager to race ahead. Alyssa and Wyatt consistently egg each other on with their quick smiles, wit and silliness in way that often makes me smile. I figured there wasn’t a snowballs’ chance in Hati that Wyatt would have thought to ask permission before leaving the yard under these circumstances.

Although I sympathized, I knew I was going to have to pull him in for this. I had learned about the incident from his brothers who were all to happy to report his escapade.

No more motorcycle for a week and he was inside for the rest of the night. Though I completely sympathized with what drove him to break the rule, I saw the bigger picture for the pattern of self-control I wanted to teach.

“Wyatt I’m really sad that you have to come in from playing now and can’t ride the motorcycle for a week. I wish you could stay outside and play with your friends. But in life there are going to be lots of times when you are going to be pulled to break a rule and not think about the decision you are making. My job as your momma is to help you to learn to think about those decisions before you make them.

Right now when you are little you are just losing your motorcycle but as you get bigger the things you lose get bigger and more important when you don’t stop to think before you act. I know how sad I am that I can’t let you go back out and play but I want you to work on learning this lesson now when what you lose is small,” I explained.

He sobbed and begged to go back out. It seems to be a common thread right now---decisions that Wyatt regrets after the fact and the ensuing tears that accompany the consequence. I sent him away to finish his sobbing upstairs because of our standing, ‘you’re not allowed to wreck the peace down here’ fit rule.

As a child all Wyatt sees is day to day. As a parent I see into his future. I’ve often heard it said, ‘start with the end in mind and work your way backwards to build it.’

Well, my end in mind is a godly man who will choose faithfulness to his wife 25 years from now when his marriage is stressed and temptations pull him away.

End in mind is a godly man who will hold strong against the pressures to ‘bend the rules’ in his job in situations that start small but cumulate into the collapse of businesses.

End in sight is a godly man who will lay aside his desire to be right and win to replace it with a desire for reconciliation.

End in sight is a godly man who keeps open hands towards giving when loads of trinkets scream for his attention and devotion.

All these come with a cost. All these require deliberate choices for what does not come easily or naturally. We are working to disciple the boys towards this maturity, knowing that it requires constant discipling.

My biblical commission is to provide the training, his response to that training is between him and God. I am accountable to fulfill my commission to train; he is accountable for what he does with that training.

So feeling like we have had this conversation several times over the last several months I began to question if any of the message was sinking in.

Weeks later we found ourselves all in the family room at the end of the night watching an O’s game for a little while before bed. We were having some ice cream but Wyatt had lost ice cream for some earlier infraction that I’ve since forgotten.

“Wyatt I wish you could have some ice cream now, it makes me sad that you can’t enjoy that with your brothers,” I said.

“Yeah, me too Momma. But I know that it’s little things I miss out on now and when I get big it’s gonna be bigger more important stuff than ice cream,” Wyatt said.

I almost fell over. All the conversations we’d had about this topic, mostly accompanied by a lot of tears that really made me question if anything was sinking in and here we were! These tears often pulled at my hearts strings and caused me to want to cave on the punishment. I wanted my son to have dessert, to race his friends on motorcycles, to get to stay up late and enjoy a baseball game---but even more I wanted him to be able to enjoy the blessings that come into a life when one obeys God.

He had heard and he was processing the training. It had made a tiny dent and he was beginning to understand. Would it prevent his next impulsive action---99% sure it will not! However, we mature step by deliberate step and I'm celebrating this one small step towards maturity!!!

Ravens Monster--testosterone

Ravens Monster

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"All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work." II Timothy 3:16-17

"Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path."

Psalm 119:105

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Do you ever have those almost out of body experiences with your kids that leave you questioning your ability as a mother and wondering, ‘how did this happen in the first place?!”

I had one of those recently and God continues to teach me that discipling my boys will never be the predictable, rolling path I’d like. Instead it’s raucous, winding and requires continual prayer for strength to survive it at times.

My boys are 8, 8 , and 9 and I guess I thought by now Bible time, which most often happens at our breakfast table, would have calmed down by now, not so! Rather I have begun to go with the flow more. Swimming upstream against this flood of testosterone has worn me down!

I share this discipling moment with you to encourage you that studying God’s Word with your kids doesn’t have to look calm and contained for God’s Word to be piercing their little hearts. In fact, it seems with kids it’s just the opposite!

Several months ago, I was surrounded by my boys chasing each other around the kitchen table and running the loop of our first floor. Tad had a Raven’s blanket thrown over his head and he was chasing his brothers around yelling, “the blanket monster is coming, the blanket monster is coming!!!!!” William and Wyatt raced wildly through the house yelling and laughing wildly the whole time. I sat at the kitchen table and thought, ‘how did this happen? Exactly 30 seconds ago we were all sitting calmly at the table, eating and reading a Bible story from our children’s Bible. How did that all unravel so quickly?

(a different Bible time using Cheerois we counted out the prophets of Baal vs Elijah, the one prophet of God---we do not have to fear, even when odds seem insurmountable!)

As I watched them chase each other around I mentally back tracked to find the point of origin for the current chaos that was my house at that moment.

We had been reading about Lot and Abraham making choices re where they would split land up. We thought it was odd that the younger nephew, Lot, chose first instead of the patriarch Abraham.

We talked above motives for choices we make. Who are we honoring with our choices, God or ourselves?

We landed on the realization that sometimes we pick what appears best, and it actually ends up backfiring when we don’t consult God. Then i realized it--at some point in the progression of the story about Sodom and Gomorrah, I had made an exaggerated gesture reading the story with emphasis and that it it! IT WAS ON!!

My mild exclamation had been the catalyst for the current craziness in my house. William made the first crazy surprise face in response to my own (looking a lot like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone). Each boy followed suit and the gesturing magnified with each re-enactment. They all screamed ‘woooh’ someone jumped up and the rest is a blur!

Cut to Tad, aka the Blanket Monster, chasing the twins around the house. In the past I would have seen this as defeat. I would have tried to get them back to their seat immediately and then been frustrated the rest of the time, most likely unable to keep them seated or get their attention back to finish the story.

But I’ve grown and realized, these testosterone surges usually need 1-2 minutes to run their course in our home. (granted they’ll happen 12,000x a day) Then I can wave the checkered flag to bring them all in to pit row, aka our table, and finish what we started. Crazily, it worked! When we had dogs we called this crazy, impromptu surge of running “the rips”---it’s the same thing with little boys!

We picked right up where we left off. No chastisement needed, they were ready to focus again. We continued talking about Sodom and Gomorrah when Tad asked, “Momma, do you think if Lot had let his uncle choose first and Abraham had picked Sodom and Gomorrha, all that horrible stuff would have happened there?”

As a mother who wearies from the barrage of questions that all 3 of my boys feel compelled to ask EVERY day, I was stunned. This wasn’t the typical irrelevant, non-sensical question that doesn’t really have an answer! I get asked at least 40 of those a day by each boy and often wave the white flag of ‘I don’t know’ in response. This was the kind of question I’d been waiting for!

The kid who was the raving Blanket Monster exactly 1 minute earlier was now not only showing me he understood what we had just read, but now he was internalizing it to the point of hypothesizing about how history could be changed based on one decision!

Just in case I thought this was a fluke, God gave me another one of these a few months later. After a loud family dinner it was time for clean up. Tad went to the family room to receive the ‘go deep’ sponge pass then asked while cleaning the table, ‘how come Solomon didn’t ask for sin to be gotten rid of when God told him he could have anything he wanted?’

These are the break throughs that show me the power of God’s Word in my boys’ lives. I have always felt compelled to make God’s Word relevant and real to their daily lives. I’ve never been content to read a story and call it done because I want to teach them to probe.

God showed me Tad was probing the depths of His Word. His Word comes to them at the oddest times and in the oddest ways, because He will not submit to human plans for a little box living. Instead He reaches into all our craziness and says, ‘find Me here! I’ve got something I want to show you!’