Little & Big Loss--consequences

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"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11

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“But Momma, I didn’t choose to chase after her, it just happened, I did it without choosing it! I didn’t think about it, I just did it,” Wyatt sobbed in frustration as he ramblingly explained why he left the yard on his Razor motorcycle to go chase a neighbor girl baiting him into a game of chase down the street.

“I know you didn’t think about it, but that’s the problem. You got really excited because Alyssa wanted to race you on the motorcycle but you didn’t stop to think if it was something you were allowed to do or not. You know you are not allowed to leave the yard on your motorcycle without permission,” I explained.

In my mind I had total sympathy. I know exactly how it had gone down, Alyssa threw down the challenge with a simple ‘you can’t catch me’ and it was all over from there. We thrive on challenges in this house and well, we just aren’t very good at backing down.

That combined with a love of speed and Wyatt was all too eager to race ahead. Alyssa and Wyatt consistently egg each other on with their quick smiles, wit and silliness in way that often makes me smile. I figured there wasn’t a snowballs’ chance in Hati that Wyatt would have thought to ask permission before leaving the yard under these circumstances.

Although I sympathized, I knew I was going to have to pull him in for this. I had learned about the incident from his brothers who were all to happy to report his escapade.

No more motorcycle for a week and he was inside for the rest of the night. Though I completely sympathized with what drove him to break the rule, I saw the bigger picture for the pattern of self-control I wanted to teach.

“Wyatt I’m really sad that you have to come in from playing now and can’t ride the motorcycle for a week. I wish you could stay outside and play with your friends. But in life there are going to be lots of times when you are going to be pulled to break a rule and not think about the decision you are making. My job as your momma is to help you to learn to think about those decisions before you make them.

Right now when you are little you are just losing your motorcycle but as you get bigger the things you lose get bigger and more important when you don’t stop to think before you act. I know how sad I am that I can’t let you go back out and play but I want you to work on learning this lesson now when what you lose is small,” I explained.

He sobbed and begged to go back out. It seems to be a common thread right now---decisions that Wyatt regrets after the fact and the ensuing tears that accompany the consequence. I sent him away to finish his sobbing upstairs because of our standing, ‘you’re not allowed to wreck the peace down here’ fit rule.

As a child all Wyatt sees is day to day. As a parent I see into his future. I’ve often heard it said, ‘start with the end in mind and work your way backwards to build it.’

Well, my end in mind is a godly man who will choose faithfulness to his wife 25 years from now when his marriage is stressed and temptations pull him away.

End in mind is a godly man who will hold strong against the pressures to ‘bend the rules’ in his job in situations that start small but cumulate into the collapse of businesses.

End in sight is a godly man who will lay aside his desire to be right and win to replace it with a desire for reconciliation.

End in sight is a godly man who keeps open hands towards giving when loads of trinkets scream for his attention and devotion.

All these come with a cost. All these require deliberate choices for what does not come easily or naturally. We are working to disciple the boys towards this maturity, knowing that it requires constant discipling.

My biblical commission is to provide the training, his response to that training is between him and God. I am accountable to fulfill my commission to train; he is accountable for what he does with that training.

So feeling like we have had this conversation several times over the last several months I began to question if any of the message was sinking in.

Weeks later we found ourselves all in the family room at the end of the night watching an O’s game for a little while before bed. We were having some ice cream but Wyatt had lost ice cream for some earlier infraction that I’ve since forgotten.

“Wyatt I wish you could have some ice cream now, it makes me sad that you can’t enjoy that with your brothers,” I said.

“Yeah, me too Momma. But I know that it’s little things I miss out on now and when I get big it’s gonna be bigger more important stuff than ice cream,” Wyatt said.

I almost fell over. All the conversations we’d had about this topic, mostly accompanied by a lot of tears that really made me question if anything was sinking in and here we were! These tears often pulled at my hearts strings and caused me to want to cave on the punishment. I wanted my son to have dessert, to race his friends on motorcycles, to get to stay up late and enjoy a baseball game---but even more I wanted him to be able to enjoy the blessings that come into a life when one obeys God.

He had heard and he was processing the training. It had made a tiny dent and he was beginning to understand. Would it prevent his next impulsive action---99% sure it will not! However, we mature step by deliberate step and I'm celebrating this one small step towards maturity!!!