Thank you!

Friends---this has been an incredible start to this writing journey! Your feedback over the last 2 weeks has been encouraging more than you know. I LOVE your descriptors like 'gritty', 'raw', 'applesque', 'truth soaked', 'armour', 'savored morsels'...these words are fuel to my writing veins! I was torn about opening up my life with this kind of vulnerability. However, God kept placing people in my life with the same 'you gotta write that down' message, soooo, not doing so was definately beginning to feel like disobedience. Sorry to have ruined so many of your mascara applications, but a good cry is the cheapest therapy session you'll ever have! Happy to provide that for you via the lessons God is weaving into my stained life. I knew these stories were welling up, begging to be told and now my journey as a writer is in full swing! More is just welling up inside to be told and apparently some of you crazy sisters have stayed up WAY too late reading through all these first 38 already (it was supposted to take you at least several months to check in randomly!), so I better get back to work! Oh yeah, please continue your feedback w/suggestions too! I heard some of the verse colors are hard to read (light blue & yellow)...

Potty Words & Pies [grace]

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“I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different,” Romans 7:22-25.
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Tad sat sulking in time out. He had just gotten into trouble for the third time that day for using potty words (most notably calling his brother poo-poo head). Frustration and sadness weighed heavily on his four year old frame.

“Momma I try not to say those words, but they just come right outta me. I don’t know what to do,” he uttered in defeat.

“Yeah, once that yucky stuff gets in our head it just wants to come right out. That is really frustrating. You know you are not alone in feeling like that. I feel that way sometimes too. So did Paul and he even recorded it down in the Bible to help us when we feel that way. He said, ‘I don’t know why I do what I don’t wanna do and don’t do what I wanna do.’

“Do you ever feel like Paul, frustrated by the bad stuff you do?” I asked.

“Yes…and I think I can’t tell God I’m sorry again, I just can’t,” he said crying.

“Oh Tad, the Bible says when we ask forgiveness God is faithful to forgive. We can always trust God to do what He says He's gonna do. God throws those sins way, way further than the eye can see. Jesus' dying on the cross opened up forgiveness for every single sin, for every single person, every single time," I tried to console.

“Yeah, but so many times and what if I do it again,” he asked skeptically.

“Is it hard for you to forgive someone when they keep wronging you over and over again? I know it is for me,” I said.

“Yes, especially when Will and Wyatt keep knocking over my towers,” he admitted.

“So do you think it’s gonna be hard for God to forgive you over and over again?”

“Yes,” he admitted with obvious trepidation.

“Well, that’s where God’s grace comes in. It is really hard for us people to forgive each other for things over and over again. But God’s forgiveness is not like that. Grace is a present from God that makes all our wrongs right. God offers us grace as a present. God’s grace says: Your sin is gone! Each and every time. And God’s grace never falls short of taking care of whatever sin we bring to him. All the potty words are not just gone, but they are not counted against you any more.

You are worried that God can't forgive more potty words today, but the Bible says God's grace to forgive is way, way more than we could ever use. You could say 10,000 potty words a day and God's forgiveness would still be there," I said.

"WHAT! Be for real Momma, you gotta be kidding me! No way!" he said in total disbelief. His response to biblical grace is why I realized God calls us to become like little children to understand His kingdom.

"Yup, that's how great God's grace is. His forgiveness doesn't have any limits. It doesn't run out. Consequences and forgiveness are two different things. God has consequences, like time outs so we can learn right from wrong, but His grace to forgive is always there, every single time. When the Bible says God's grace is overflowing it's trying to show us that God isn't saving His grace, He's wasting it all over the place on us. His grace just won't ever run out.

Imagine you asked me for a piece of peanut butter pie. God's grace is like you asking for one piece of pie and I give you 100 whole pies instead. Can you possibly eat 100 pies? Can you even eat one pie? That's way more pie than you could come close to eating, wasteful, huh! That's how God's grace and forgiveness are, way more than you could ever use up.”

I watched relief flood over Tad's little body, then be replaced with joy. He understood God's amazing grace and was one step closer to the Jesus he loved. More recently our talks have turned to grace again. I wanted the boys to see the extravagant wastefulness of God’s amazing grace. I told them how the Bible uses words like lavish and overflowing to describe God’s grace, then provided a visual. I told them to pour milk into the cup and not stop until I said so. Their response was to stop before the milk spilled because they know I hate waste. I urged them to keep going. As they watched the milk go down the drain they said, ‘Momma stop! You’re wasting the milk!’ Exactly! God’s grace is wasteful, way too much, extravagant, more than meets the need and overflowing!”

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“What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise,” Romans 7:15.

“God put the wrong on Him who never did anything wrong, so we could be put right with God,” 2 Cor. 5:21.

“Because of the sacrifice of the Messiah, His blood poured out on the altar of the Cross, we’re a free people---free of penalties and punishments chalked up by all our misdeeds. And not just barely free, either. Abundantly free!” Eph. 1:7.

“It was a perfect sacrifice by a perfect Person to perfect some very imperfect people. By that single offering, He did everything that needed to be done for everyone who takes part in the purifying process….I’ll forever wipe the slate clean of their sins,” Heb. 10:11-14.

“If we admit our sins---make a clean breast of them---He won’t let us down; He’ll be true to Himself. He’ll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing,” 1 John 1:9.

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Watering Camels [servant heart]

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“Don’t just do what you have to do to get by, but work heartily, as Christ’s servants doing what God wants you to do. And work with a smile on your face, always keeping in mind that no matter who happens to be giving the orders, you’re really serving God,” Eph. 6:7-8.

“Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand,” Phil. 2:4.
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Errands had taken longer than I anticipated, as my 3, 3, and 4 year old traveling companions were eager to point out. We were still a half hour from home and lunch time had come and gone without a refueling; bystanders beware, dangerous ground to tread on when you are within a 10 foot radius of DiDios. Will and Wyatt’s milk allergy made eating out cumbersome and rarely worth the energy required; but today we would try. We were at an unfamiliar Target, so I felt a little awkward, but began the litany of questions.

The gentleman behind the counter, Mr. Ari we learned, was very helpful and went out of his way to make sure our dining experience of hot dogs, chips and ice water was five star. He even came to our table to bring us more napkins and ask if we would like our waters refilled. I commented to the boys about what a wonderful and gracious heart Mr. Ari had. That’s when Tad said, ‘he’s just like Rebekah Momma. She had a servant heart when she watered all the camels without anyone asking her, just like Mr. Ari just did.’

I was blown away. Bible time still felt like a comic attempt at wrestling monkeys into suits. The pattern was set, but it didn’t feel like I thought it should. I was still holding on to serene images of quiet little boys Socratic dialoging back and forth with me. I was still imagining God’s lessons taking root and erasing the quarrels and tears that seemed to overflow from too many of our days. So, instead when I got little boys who wiped syrupy hands on each other and spooned spilled yogurt from each other’s appendages into their mouths, I threw my arms up in frustration on many an occasion. And yes, there were times I slammed closed our Bible, yelled at everyone and stewed in my anger over the failure to build what I thought time in God’s Word should look like. I wanted a Normal Rockwell scene; I got a comic book one. Yet I did continue, clinging to the encouragement I received and the promise that God’s word is powerful enough to penetrate little hearts even when they are imbedded in crazy little boys.

And now, here I was sitting with my 4 year old who had just connected a scriptural illustration with contemporary life. This was the goal I had been working towards as we progressed through our children’s Bible in a year. Connections first, then incorporation into daily life. This invigorated a very weary momma; but what came next erased any doubts I had about bailing during the frustrating times of spiritually discipling my boys.

The boys were commenting about how good their lunch was and then William said, ‘we should go and tell Mr. Ari thank you and how good our lunch was.’ So that’s just what they did, without me. They marched right up, “Thanks Mr. Ari, we really liked our lunch. You did a good job.” The look on his face…well, words often fail to truly reflect the expression of a heart; it was a look I still remember 4 years later. The boys, oblivious to the profound effect they just had on a stranger and their Momma, began to throw away their trash and make plans for the train track they’d be building that afternoon. Mr. Ari came up to the table to ask if it was ok if he gave the boys a treat and then quickly produced from behind his back 3 packs of fruit snacks to the delight of my boys.

Personally I had been talking with God about when I should be the blessor and when I needed to allow Him to reward the work He was growing in their little lives. I wanted the boys to know the truths of Scripture but I was a little afraid not to provide the immediate positive reinforcement when I saw them really getting it. I felt as though God had been urging me to trust Him to provide the outcomes to the lessons I was responsible for teaching and instilling. Mr. Ari’s kindness confirmed what God had been trying to show me---Yes, the boys are listening and absorbing even when they are acting like twirling tops in perpetual motion and Yes, God is faithful to reward childhood steps into His kingdom without mother’s involvement.

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“He came to serve, not to be served,” Mth. 20:28.

“A true test of a servant is how he acts when treated like one,” Les Jenkins, godly father to one of my dear friends, Susan Lamb, who shared his wisdom with me one day. Susan’s husband Chris epitomizes this servant heart in a manner unlike anyone I’ve ever known.

“Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose,”

Prov. 18:21.
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Happy Tears [loss]

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“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress…” James 1:27 (NIV).
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We teach our kids, ‘don’t take candy from strangers,’ but it gets a little hairy when the line between ‘stranger’ and ‘neighbor’ is blurred. When we met a kind elderly husband and wife on our neighborhood strolls, what would I say when candy was offered? (especially when my 4 year old asks why he’s allowed to take candy from this stranger.) I know, the logic breaks down pretty quickly.

This was the start of our relationship with Shirley and Jack Sinnot and their adult daughter Jeanie. Mr. Jack and Ms. Shirley would walk tenderly arm in arm while Mr. Jack protectively steadied them with his cane. Mr. Jack was always quick to extend a hand with three pieces of candy when we met up with them in our double stroller and big wheel. The boys quickly came to recognize him in his golf cap and plaid jacket and would come running, “Momma, Mr. Jack is going on his walk now, can we go too?” They knew a piece of candy was nestled in his pocket with their name on it. So we would launch off for brief conversation and candy run with the Sinnot’s. (I later learned Ms. Shirley kept the talk brief because Jack had Alzheimer’s.)

When Mr. Jack’s eight year struggle with Alzhiemers ended on St. Patrick’s Day 2008, we knew great sadness had just enveloped the Sinnot home. We decided to go visit them at their home. Before leaving we discussed the Scripture about visiting widows in their distress. I tried to prepare the boys for the great sadness we would be stepping into. We talked of the sorrow that wraps around loss and the great joy of heaven that will some day trump every pain we’ve ever suffered. I remember Tad asking, ‘how will food help them not be sad?’ I said, ‘it won’t help their sadness, but it will let them know we care.’ So off we went, arms loaded with home made cards and food.

Tad’s ‘card’ stopped me in my tracks when he ran to retrieve it as we were walking out the door. He had drawn a picture of Mr. Jack, as we were accustomed to seeing him on our walks. The representation was so tender, I knew Ms. Shirley and Ms. Jeanie would love it, but based on the tears it evoked from me, it would be hard to receive. Tad commented he wanted to give a reminder of Mr. Jack since they wouldn’t have him anymore. When it came time to give Ms. Shirley his card, he looked more than a little terrified when Ms. Shirley sobbed upon receiving it. These were no quiet tears. Ms. Shirley quickly hugged him and assured him he hadn’t done anything wrong; he had done something very right.

We had a conversation that night about death and Tad asked, ‘why did Ms. Shirley cry when I gave her the picture I drew, didn’t she like it?’

“Oh Tad, she loved it. Those were happy tears for your card and sad tears for missing Mr. Jack. Most cards people give have words like, ‘we are so sorry for your loss,” but your card was very special because it reminded her of her precious Jack. Your card was a blessing to Ms. Shirley’s very heavy heart that I’m sure she will treasure. Remember when Jesus’ good friend Lazarus died? The Bible says Jesus cried because he was very sad. Jesus cried so hard people around him said, ‘look how deeply he loved Lazarus,’ (John 11). Ms. Shirley and Ms. Jeanie are going to cry a lot of sad tears and sometimes those will combine with happy tears when something gives them a happy reminder of Mr. Jack. Death is a weird mix of great sadness for our loss and great joy that a person gets to be in heaven forever.”

This visit to the Sinnot home would be followed by many more and very gradually the tears and sadness would be replaced by laughter and joy. Ms. Shirley calls us her angels sent special delivery by God. The number of lessons God has poured into all these brief visits is astounding. I have learned what grieving looks like when a loving marriage of 59 years is brought to a close by death. I have learned of the sacrificial love a devoted wife is called to when she walks through the sordidness Alzehiemer’s reeks on a once strong man (things no one envisions as they pledge their vows in the wellness of a wedding day). We have learned what Mr. Jack was like as a young man. We have learned how to be very careful in a home that is not child proofed and full of many beautiful sparkly glass things. We learned how much joy we could bring through sharing simple things from our life, like card games, double rainbows, captured wild life, garden kale, and even Silly Bandz.

I learned that mission work doesn’t have to involve traveling around the world; it can almost always be found two houses up to the right. Simple extensions of kindness speak volumes in our hurried pace town; helping those who are passed over in the shuffle to know they are loved. Ms. Shirley and Ms. Jeanie have grown to love my boys for the blend of unabashed vigor, questions and kindness they bring to time spent with them. Every visit abounds with hugs. “Oh, I love these huggies! I feel these little arms around me when I go to bed at night so sad to be missing my Jack. They bring me such comfort in my loneliness.” I had never considered that something as simple as a hug would help carry a widow through her lonely nights, but I quickly realized that’s why God calls us to visit widows in their distress, because He does know!

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“Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was Me---you did it to Me,” Mth. 25:40.
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Happy Cat Day [generosity]

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“Sitting across from the offering box, He was observing how the crowd tossed money in for the collection. Many of the rich were making large contributions. One poor widow came up and put in two small coins---a measly two cents. Jesus called His disciples over and said, ‘The truth is that this poor widow gave more to the collection than all the others put together. All the others gave what they’ll never miss; she gave extravagantly what she couldn’t afford---she gave her all,’” Mark 12:41-44.
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“Happy Cat Day”---perhaps the strangest Mother’s Day card title ever. Currently these Silly Bandz are all the rage in our elementary school. Kids boast the number they have and are eager to accumulate masses of them on their wrists. They peacock around proudly boasting how far up their arm the bands extend. They speak of the ‘gems’ of their collection with pride and ulterior motive of driving of their collection’s value. They hone shrewd negotiating skills through lengthy trading sessions that rival the old-school trading floor of the New York Stock Exchange.

I heard about these initially from my boys’ friends who were playing here. I began to see the green in their eyes. Fortunately they had friends who were kind enough to share with them so they could each boast one Silly Bandz. One dear little friend Jacob shared one of his with Wyatt on Mother’s Day at church. Wyatt gave this cat shaped bracelet to me as he exited his church classroom, along with the “Happy Cat Day” card.
Perhaps this was the most significant piece of Mother’s Day jewelry I’ll ever receive. Wyatt gave out of his poverty in Silly Bandz, not his wealth. Later that night I pulled Wyatt aside to ask him if he remembered the story Jesus told about the widow who dropped two small coins into the offering while others around her gave lots more. Yes, he remembered the story. “Why was her offering important to Jesus?” I asked. “Because she didn’t have anything but those 2 coins and she gave them to God because she loved Him,” Wyatt reported. “Yes, she honored God just like you honored me today by giving me your only Silly Bandz. I see lots of kids wearing tons of these bracelets. Jacob was kind enough to share one with you and then you passed that blessing on to me. Thank You for allowing Jesus to grow in you a heart that wants to be a blessing to others. I won’t ever forget how you honored me today with this bracelet.”

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“Be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven,” Mth. 5:16.

“You have been treated generously, so live generously,” Mth 10:8.
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Poop Stains [brokenness]

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“You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way,” James 1:2-4.
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I sat on my kitchen floor, desperately fighting back the tears with a plastic wrap lined diaper in one hand and a squirmy 16 month old in the other. Meanwhile, unnoticed by me, another curious 16 month old was crawling towards all the activity. A toddler was racing through this scene, arms so loaded with trains, he was oblivious to the bizarre experiment I was attempting to direct him around. The twins were sick with diarrhea again and losing weight; no one knew why. “We need to get a stool sample, maybe that will help us figure out what’s wrong,” the doctor told me as though it was as easy as stepping into his office and dropping trou!

“How do we do that, there’s nothing firm to collect in the diapers?” I asked, already figuring I was not going to like the answer.

“Well, you can line their diapers with plastic wrap so the stool won’t absorb into the diaper,” he told me, way too casually to have ever actually performed this sordid feat. “Oh, and make sure not to get any diaper fibers in the sample, that’s important,” he added.

So here I was, attempting to collect liquid scrapings from plastic lined diapers. My breaking point came when William crawled toward me knocking over the vial I had just sat down. It had taken scrapings from three separate diapers just that morning to successfully fill the vial and now I would have to start all over again. I was covered in pooh, my twins were covered in pooh and Tad yelled from the bathroom, ‘Momma dere’s a lil bit a poopy got on da floor. Wipe pease.’ I sat and wept as I watched William’s plastic wrapped diaper oozing its contents down his leg.

Cut to the doctor’s office 45 minutes later, us fairly decontaminated and praying we wouldn’t pass through any revealing black lights and end up a blurb on Dateline. I had underestimated the amount of time it would take to fill a few small vials, so we were late, as usual. Feeling duped by the Johnson & Johnson commercials, one question rang through my head over and over while inhaling a faint odor of pooh, ‘what’s happened to my life?’

I remembered holding classes of teenagers captive with my Psychology lessons, and yet every attempt I made to get my three little boys, all under three, to sit still and wait for a doctor’s appointment, was ending in frustration. In my old life, students used to listen to me and respond to my calm style of discipline. Now I repeat myself 100x a day and calmness is something that only comes before my storm. Bjorn bibs are a necessary fashion accessory for the twins, to help catch erratic throw up bouts. This was NOT the motherhood I had envisioned! I loved being a teacher because I was a seed sower for Him; I saw God using me to help change lives. Now all I changed were endless diapers full of leaked diarrhea and read regret e-mails from every major diaper company as to why their diapers unfortunately were unable to contain diarrhea.

In the past if I needed to learn something, I would research and become well versed. Now there’s no time for research, I have to make decisions in an instant that I’ll doubt for hours. I used to be confident in my God-given talents because I was a successful teacher. Now my confidence was blown every time I went to the doctor’s office. I’d think I had Will and Wyatt’s asthma under control and the doctor’s would look at me disapprovingly for not realizing how bad their airways sounded. They’d tell me not to stop the nebulizer treatments, but increase them to every 3 hours, round the clock, and put the boys on prednisone. They’d hold us captive in the office until the boys sounded well enough to leave. Then they tell me to come back again for another breathing check and a weight check; I feel like a scolded child, again.

My life seemed a perpetual ground hog’s day of dragging sick kids to a doctor’s visit. I was spent and the reserves spent trying to solve all this were dipping well below “E”. Chris’s work schedule was demanding so I was flying solo through a lot of this. One day in the waiting room another mother noticed me, ‘wow, you’ve got your hands full.’ A comment I heard often. “Takes a lot of prayer” I said, hardly even convincing myself.

I noticed she had 2 very young children with her and said, “wow, it looks like you are pretty busy too.” She told me she was there for her baby’s 6 month old check up and meanwhile she had a rambunctious toddler racing around the office. I asked her, “how old is your toddler?” She said, “15 months” and before I had a chance to finish doing the math she said, “yeah, I brought my baby home from the hospital the day he turned one-- Irish twins!” Then she told me she also had a 4 year old son with autism. “He doesn’t talk, or play, all he does is scream. He was just diagnosed.” Immediately my heart broke for her and Wyatt reached up arms out to be held and said, ‘Momma.’ Conviction.

God used that momma and my first 3 years as a reluctant stay at home mom to teach me lessons that had to be learned in brokenness. I learned that His plan for us is not to do it all ourselves. He’s never impressed by my independence, but desires my total dependence on Him and others. He loves it when the body of Christ works together to help bear the burdens and He will accomplish this through whatever means necessary.
He reminded me of all I had to be grateful for and convicted me to begin vocalizing that, even when I didn’t feel it. Convince the head, the heart will follow.

That meant God breaking me down from a strong willed, type A, do it yourself woman into a slobber stained, poop under the fingernails, vulnerable mom. I called my mom, in tears that night, to ask her to fly home from Texas to come stay with us, because I needed help. She later admitted that she was grateful to be able to help because I had always been so independent. She wanted to be needed and I never knew.

From that moment on my mom has been my biggest cheer leader when it comes to my boys. She is super-Mimi flying in (literally) with suitcases full of project materials to make box robots and conduct science experiments. She showed up unannounced to a big outdoor birthday party, dressed in full clown garb, ready to entertain the troops. She comes into town every year for Chris and I to go away, loaded with supplies for a dinosaur fossil hunt and magic show. Oh, and while we were gone she fixed a few things she knows Chris’s schedule won’t allow him to do. Meanwhile, our Papu valiantly holds down the fort at home and work back in Texas, graciously giving up his wife for another jaunt to Maryland.

Now 8 years into this parenting journey, I see God’s sense of humor. Before having children I remember conversations about sharing the gospel in missions work. I was all aboard with one caveat, ‘well as long as it doesn’t smell bad because my nose is really sensitive to gross smells.’ Now I look back and see God saying, ‘oh you can’t serve Me in filth because you’re a sensitive smeller. Let’s see about that.’ Little did I realize He’d bring the filth right to me. The amount of diarrhea I dealt with between my three boys was unlike anything I saw any of my friends experiencing. They would always gawk in amazement at the number of times a day my three boys needed a poop change and report how their children only pooped once a day. I had 3 in diapers simultaneously for a year, my life revolved around poop. Now it all makes sense!

Another giant lesson God is weaving into my life through the fragility of being a mother involved judging. He is breaking down the judgmental attitude I had before my own kids were born and replacing it with compassion. In the past, if I saw a 5 year old using a pacifier I’d silently judge that situation with a ‘oh, someone should take that away’ and be ready with 5 ‘quick fixes’ if the parent solicited help. Now I know that most things are not fixed quickly and God wants to partner with us through these struggles, not just offer escape plans so we appear mainstream.

Instead of judging the parents, compassion wells up inside. I don’t know their story and it’s not my place to cast judgment. So, when I’m tempted to judge, I pray. I pray for that child and the circumstances that have him dependent on a source of comfort traditionally reserved for babies. This child and his crushing circumstances are unknowns to me, but not to God. That child is no more or less precious to God whether he has a pacifier or not. I know that much of my life growing up must have been a magnet for judgment; thankfully as a child I was not aware. My lot was hard enough, I’d like to think that praying Christians, resisting judgment, is what ultimately led me to my Redeemer.

I am learning more about the heart of a Father who loves me enough to allow the tough stuff that brings me closer to Him. These precious poop stained lessons couldn’t have been learned by the confident and successful me. I needed to be broken so that the Father could reform me into His beautiful child, more complete, because His strength is made perfect in every one of my weaknesses.

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“But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it was seemed best to him,”Jer. 18:4 (NIV)
“A transformed woman will embrace the transforming God!” Jer. 31:22.
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Reluctant Racers [training]

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“Strip down, start running---and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how He did it. Because He never lost sight of where He was headed---that exhilarating finish in and with God---He could put up with anything along the way…” Heb. 12:1-2

“Pursue a righteous life---a life of wonder, faith, love, steadiness, courtesy. Run hard and fast in the faith. Seize the eternal life, the life you were called to, the life you so fervently embraced in the presence of so many witnesses,” 1 Tim. 6:11-12.
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“Oh, but Momma we wanna watch a video while we wait,” my two 3 year olds begged from the back seat of the van.

“Well, we’ll see. First we are going to practice our Bible verses,” I replied.

“Awww, but we wanna watch a movie instead,” they continued to plead.

“First things first,” I held firm.

This typical scene a van-cam would have recorded most days in the parent pick up line was a little disheartening to me. I wanted Will and Wyatt to be eager to approach their Scripture memorization. I felt compelled to use this daily time to deposit Scriptures and songs into their little hearts. I knew I had their full attention; they were strapped in!

Some times were a hoot; some times were a disaster; most times were nothing to write home about, just like life. This spiritual training into God’s kingdom is often likened to a race in the Scripture. I've talked to lots of marathon runners, so I am well aquainted with the training highs and lows, the glorious and the inglorious aspects of long term conditioning and training. Keeping all that in mind was an encouragement to me in spiritual training with the boys. On days when my patience wore too thin to make the time productive, I’d ‘reward’ their training efforts with movie time. But, most days I felt like this time was too precious of an opportunity to let drift away with nothing to show for it.

Too many moms over the years had warned me, with kids at times the days will seem eternal, but the years will always fly. I knew once the boys were in school, my time to deposit God’s Word into their hearts would dramatically decrease. Many voices would begin to compete and even defy the still small Voice that loved them with ferociousness. So, I felt God calling me to seize these opportunities before they vanished.

I assumed all this was for the boys benefit, but as is often the case, God had other plans. One day while waiting in the pick up line, the thought of practicing our Bible verses never even occurred to me---because I was mired in worry. T minus 30 minutes till a doctor’s appointment to discuss a health problem with one of the boys that was weighing very heavily on me. I was at a loss and my wheels were spinning out of control on this problem; our Scripture training was the last thing on my mind.

“Momma, remember our verse time,” Wyatt commented from the back.

My initial thought---‘Really, today!? Today you are going to ask for what I so often have to cajole you guys into?! I can’t help you boys with that right now, I’m too busy with worry. Why couldn’t you ask for this when things were going well and I could focus?’ I thought all this, but I didn’t say anything. They were unaware of the worry plaguing me.

“Do not be afraid, your prayer has been heard,” William chimed in from the back seat.

I started to weep.

What?! Where had that come from?! Out of the mouths of babes and to my breaking heart!

Perfect words at the perfect time. The truth of Scripture was piercing my heart. This had always been my prayer for the boys during this training time in God’s Word. Unbeknownst to him, William had soothed my anxious heart with the healing balm found in God’s Word. God had spoken and I heard! This particular verse was not even one from our van practice sessions; this one came from the Community Bible Study (CBS) we participated in that was diligent about teaching Scripture at every age.

I could not even respond for several minutes. This was the only instance I could remember of the twins asking to practice Bible verses while in the van. I realized our verse time had built a pattern that God would use to speak truth into my life; I was the one reaping the rewards for our persistent training.

That day I learned that my boys did not need to be eager to participate in every facet of their spiritual training for God to work through the training. They weren’t eager to brush their teeth and bathe, but that didn’t prevent those things from being necessary and beneficial in their lives! I came to understand more of what Paul meant when he likened the Christian walk to race training; there will be glorious and inglorious moments. What comes naturally—sin. What does not, training in righteousness which will look different for every family, but is something the Bible calls all of us parents to.

Paul uses a race illustration over and over again in the NT to encourage believers to hold on, train, and to lay aside all weights and with the goal of finishing strong. Pastor Coty Pinckney offered encouragement he’d received from coaches in the running world in his own spiritual journey in a sermon entitled “Running the Race of Faith”:

[A runner may say,] "Surely to miss training just this once will not matter? After all, there is a long season of it lying ahead." But to miss training once is to open a breach in the wall of routine. And a single breach will almost certainly be followed by others, to the point where there is no routine left. And then, bang! -- there goes your ambition to be a runner.

One of the giants of American track and field, Ken Doherty, put it this way: "Run until the question of not running just never arises."

Take the Ken Doherty quote and apply it to your Christian life: Read the Bible until the question of not reading just never arises; pray until the question of not praying just never arises; resist temptation until the question of not resisting temptation just never arises."

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“By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward---to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back,” Phil. 3:14

“Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life,”

Phil. 4:6-7.
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Test & Trusts [God provides]

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"Next Jesus was taken into the wild by the Spirit for the Test. The Devil was ready to give it. Jesus prepared for the Test by fasting for forty days and forty nights. That left Him, of course, in a state of extreme hunger, which the Devil took advantage of in the first test: "Since You are God's Son, speak the words that will turn these stones into loaves of bread."

Jesus answered by quoting Deuteronomy: "It takes more than bread to stay alive. It takes a steady stream of words from God's mouth."

For the second test the Devil took Him to the Holy City. He sat Him on top of the Temple and said, "Since You are God's Son, jump." The Devil goaded Him by quoting Psalm 91: "He has placed You in the care of angels. They will catch You so that You won't so much as stub Your toe on a stone."
Jesus countered with another citation from Deuteronomy: "Don't you dare test the Lord your God."

For the third test, the Devil took Him on a peak of a huge mountain. He gestured expansively, pointing out all the earth's kingdoms, how glorious they all were. Then he said, "They're Yours---lock, stock, and barrel. Just go down on Your knees and worship me, and they're Yours."
Jesus' refusal was curt: "Beat it, Satan!" He backed His rebuke with a third quotation from Deuteronomy: "Worship the Lord Your God, and only Him. Serve Him with absolute single-heartedness."

The Test was over. The Devil left. And in his place, angels! Angels came and took care of Jesus' needs," Matthew 4:1-11.

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Jesus finds the Holy Spirit compelling Him forward into the wilderness where He will prepare for a test from His adversary, the one most vested in His failure, the devil. It’s interesting that the Holy Spirit, so often called the Comforter, takes Jesus to this place of no comfort; a savage aloneness where His only companion will be wild animals and the devil, for 40 days.

The devil has been awaiting this confrontation. It’s been a long time since he was forcibly thrown from heaven. God, his enemy, has sent an emissary into the world to be the exact representation of Himself to the people. How dare He, he is the ruler of this broken world (John 12:31) and now here comes God messing with what he feels is his to control. The Father is giving the people Himself and this must really have infuriated Satan. The devil’s chief desire in this life is to separate us from God and now God is sending Himself, in the form of His Son, to broadcast His great love!

I wonder about the preparations the devil went through for this challenge. Derailing Jesus at the start of His public ministry would have been the devil’s crowning achievement and oh how he must have ached to see this happen. Satan is well acquainted with a desire to usurp God; it’s the sin that gave him his walking papers from heaven. It appears the devil’s attack is very calculated and precise as he challenges Jesus’ authority. He takes a three fold attack. First he will offer relief from the most pressing need, hunger. Next he will challenge Jesus to question the Father’s love for Him, ‘throw Yourself to the ground, won’t Your Father protect You?’ Lastly, he woos Jesus with visions of earthly kingship, the same vision that well intended Israelites will cast repeatedly during Jesus’ ministry.

The Mark and Luke account of this temptation actually say that Jesus was tempted for the 40 days. My initial response to this story (probably under the influence of Hollywood) was that Jesus was hanging out in the wilderness, communing with the Father for 40 days and at the end Satan came to tempt Him. I had never really considered the fact that He was facing temptation from Satan the entire stay in the wilderness.

While studying this passage with the boys, we searched for what we learned from Jesus’ example in the wilderness. We came away asking if we were prepared to meet the challenges that Satan will present to pull us away from God. We talked about how Jesus prepared and how we prepare to face something that will tempt us to choose self over God? Satan can’t read our minds, but he does see our daily choices. When we regularly choose to spend 3 hours on tv/web and 3 minutes in God’s Word, he takes note of how prepared we are to face temptation.

I asked the boys to imagine showing up to run a marathon wearing high heels after having trained for one day. Ridiculous. Yet that’s exactly what we do when we enter into challenges, with no preparation, calling out to God at the last minute, desperate for help. We get pummeled and wonder, ‘why wasn’t God there to rescue me?’ It seems God’s prepared these challenges to draw us closer to Him, to teach us growing dependence on Him. He has not prepared these challenges to reinforce a rub the bottle genie mentality that we default to when in a jam.

What I find most pulling in this story is that when the test was completed the Devil left. He tried, he tried again, and he tried again and failed-- then he left. Not after his first failure, or his 2nd, but his third failed attempt and then Satan beat it. Perhaps this explains the 40 day preparation in the wilderness! Luke records the cautionary “when the devil had finished all his tempting, he left him until an opportune time.”

An opportune time for the devil, looks like what, I wonder, to us? When the Father feels distant? At the conclusion of the testing, most beautiful of all, the Bible records that when Satan left, ‘in his place angels! Angels came and took care of Jesus’ needs.’ God provided for Jesus’ needs. He demonstrated, in love, that when temptation comes, it can come powerfully and persistently, yet so will His rescue. I am convicted to hold out strongly against the temptation to fill my own need with some cheap substitute for His provision. Temptation will come and call you to what you most crave, what gives you an illusion of control, and what explores your fears of trusting God. Jesus demonstrates that God is trustworthy and His care is sufficient to meet each need.

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"So let God work His will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and He’ll be there in no time,” James 4:7.

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Greedy Grumpy [stingy]

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“Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity. Stinginess impoverishes,” Mrk. 4:25.
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I’m always hunting for visual reminders of how to impart lessons for myself and my boys. A picture speaks volumes to a heart when words sometimes fall on infertile soil. Greediness and holding tightly to what God entrusts us is a problem for all of humanity, especially visible in children by their posturing. I noticed one day how Tad was holding tightly to a hand full of Thomas trains in an effort to keep them away from his brothers. I noticed how tense he was and how small he became as he pulled the trains into himself. “The world of the generous gets larger and larger; the world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller,” Prov. 11:24. God’s scripture couldn’t have called it any more accurately.

So we talked about this verse and the boys and I came up with a phrase and gesture spoken regularly around the DiDio house, ‘greedy grumpy or grateful giving hearts and hands, you choose?” Or, you might just see me motioning the symbol which my boys all know well and is a piercing reminder of what God calls us to without uttering one word. God’s desire is for us to release our strangle hold on our possessions so that He may fill us. When we are determined to hold tightly to all that is entrusted to us, how can we possibly hold on to God?

The drawing pictured is William’s creation. He was enjoying peaches a family friend shared with us last summer when I mentioned, ‘that sure was generous of the Watts to share those peaches with us, wasn’t it?’ William decided to make a thank you card. His illustration perfectly indicated that the lessons of ‘grateful giving or greedy grumpy’ from God’s Word were taking root in his little heart.

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“When you grab all you can get, that’s what happens; the more you get, the less you are,”

Prov. 1:19.

“Sinners are always wanting what they don’t have; the God-loyal are always giving what they do have,” Prov. 21:26.
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No Fair! [consequences]

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"The people stayed in Kadesh. (site of the original spy mission 37 years earlier after the Israelites left Egyptian slavery) …There was no water there for the community, so they ganged up on Moses and Aaron. They attacked Moses: “We wish we’d died when the rest of our brothers died before God. Why did you haul this congregation of God out here into this wilderness to die, people and cattle alike? And why did you take us out of Egypt in the first place, dragging us into this miserable country? No grain, no figs, no grapevines, no pomegranates---and now not even any water!

Moses and Aaron walked from the assembled congregation to the Tent of Meeting and threw themselves facedown on the ground. And they saw the Glory of God.

God spoke to Moses: “Take the staff. Assemble the community, you and your brother Aaron. Speak to that rock that’s right in front of them and it will give water. You will bring water out of the rock for them; congregation and cattle will both drink.”

Moses took the staff away from God’s presence, as commanded. He and Aaron rounded up the whole congregation in front of the rock. Moses spoke: “Listen, rebels! Do we have to bring water out of this rock for you?”

With that Moses raised his arm and slammed his staff against the rock---once, twice. Water poured out. Congregation and cattle drank.

God said to Moses and Aaron, “Because you didn’t trust me, didn’t treat me with holy reverence in front of the People of Israel, you two aren’t going to lead this company into the land that I am giving them.”

These were the Waters of Meribah (Bickering) where the People of Israel bickered with God, and he revealed himself as holy," Numbers 20:1-13.

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“No fair, I only…”. “Well, if I had known, I wouldn’t have…” Have you found these words spilling from your mouth like milk from a 4 year old’s cup? How about your children’s mouths? When consequences for our infractions seem harsh or unfair, we generally start generating laundry lists full of ‘but...’ Seldom do we acknowledge our complicity with contrition of heart and ask forgiveness as our FIRST response.

Momentary losses of self control have often yielded results that had me fervently praying for a time machine. We’ve all been there. I’ve been there more times than I’m comfortable admitting.

Does God have a lesson for us in these punishments? I’m struck by Moses’ story at Meribah. Probably at his wits end of the constant bickering and complaining, (can any mom’s relate!?) he had a momentary loss of self control. God told him to speak the water from the rock, instead Moses banged the rock. Hardly seems an offense worth canceling his ticket into the Promised Land though! And why doesn’t Moses seem as upset about this as I am? I’m ready to go to bat as his defense attorney with a boat load of reasons why Moses should still be allowed into the Promise Land!

I did not like God’s punishment for this man usually so full of patience and I just could not wrap my head around Moses’ calm acceptance of this. Problem was, I had been focusing so much on what I perceived as the unfairness of the punishment that I was missing what the lesson God was trying to teach. I was focused on the banging of the rock instead of the sin of Moses, which was to steal the miracle being performed right from God. Moses and Aaron pronounced, ‘Listen rebels, do we have to bring water from this rock for you?’ instead of ‘watch as God, our Provider, brings water from this rock.’

What’s the big deal? Well, Moses was old and would soon be dead; the Israelites would need a new leader in their new land. They needed to know that God was their Provider, not Moses or any man. If they trusted in a man instead of God, they’d be doomed. This was a nation of people given easily to worship of the wrong thing. God brings forth living waters to sustain, not the weak vessel (Moses) He uses to pour His power through. Moses did not make that clear with the miracle God enabled him to perform.

God had commissioned Moses and was a friend to Moses. Moses was the mouth piece of God for these people. The Israelites were about to enter a land where temptations to walk away from God in disobedience would abound. Rather than see God as a cruel punisher, perhaps God was trying to impress upon His people the severe consequences of disobedience. God appears to be pointing to His friend Moses and saying, ‘see, he will miss out on great blessing because of failure to hear My voice and do as I’ve said. Learn from his mistake so that you will not also miss the blessings I have to pour out on you.’

My boys and I talked about Moses and the punishment he received. We carried it over to our own lives. What impulsive decisions have we made that have resulted in being excluded from something we were really looking forward to? Did we know before we made the bad decision what we would lose? Often we don’t, but that doesn’t change the fact that we lose out on blessings God longs for us to have.

The Bible does not record any fit Moses had in response to this punishment. I’ve read plenty of fits in the Bible, so this one is conspicuously absent. Could it be that Moses realized the severity of what he had just done and contriteness of heart was his first response? Could it be that his own heart broke for how he had not used this opportunity to point the people he loved and nurtured to their loving Father? It seems Moses is at peace with his punishment which speaks volumes about his relationship with God. Moses has a lot to teach me about discipline from the Lord.

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“Don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline; don’t sulk under His loving correction. It’s the child He loves that God corrects; a father’s delight is behind all this,” Prov. 3:11-12.

“The people I love, I call to account---prod and correct and guide so that they’ll live at their best,” Rev. 3:19.
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Lessons in the Dirt [pic parables]

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“Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let go, reckless in your love, you’ll have it forever, real and eternal,” John 12:24-25.
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Jesus’ audience was primarily fisherman and farmers, mine is little boys. Since we entered the farming world with our little garden, we see His parables springing to life before our eyes. Our time spent outside, be it in the garden, the compost, the lawn...it's all ripe with illustrations to point us to know Him more.

A seed can sit on a shelf 100 years and remain a seed. But, put that same seed into fertile ground, 10 days later life will emerge with potential to be abundant! A believer planting himself in God’s Word and entering into discipleship relationship with Jesus will find himself growing into all he was created to be.

Tiny sprouts will crane their growth to the sun; even contort into strange growth patterns to do so. Without the sun they will shrivel and die. Our path to God should be reaching to Him to sustain and grow us, even when obstacles will try to prevent us reaching Him. Without Him we are doomed.

A flower that started as a single seed has potential to cast off seeds to reproduce itself a hundred fold. One believer influencing people to find and follow Jesus has potential to mightily increase heaven’s occupants!

"Scour the insides, and then the gleaming surface will mean something,” Mth 23:26.

We transplanted Sweet William sprouts last year but figured they died somewhere along the way since we never saw any flowers. Then, to our surprise next spring, a giant patch of thriving Sweet William! While walking through our garden this year, Tad asked “what happens if you plant a garden then move away?” We sow seeds in people’s lives and sometimes we’re blessed enough to see them blossom, sometimes their growth happens when we are long gone. Sometimes others will harvest the seeds we sow. We all grow at different rates.

“If you grow a healthy tree, you’ll pick healthy fruit. If you grow a diseased tree, you’ll pick worm eaten fruit. The fruit tells you about a tree…a good person produces good deeds and words season after season. An evil person is a blight on the orchard,” Mth. 12:33-35.

Matthew 13
“Seed scattered on the road: someone hears news of the kingdom and doesn’t take it in, it just remains on the surface, and so the Evil One comes along and plucks it right out of the persons’ heart.”

“Seed cast on the gravel---this is the person who hears and instantly responds with enthusiasm. But there is no soil of character, and so when the emotions wear off and some difficulty arrives, there is nothing to show for it."

“The seed cast in the weeds is the person who hears the kingdom news, but weeds of worry and illusions about getting more and wanting everything under the sun strangle out what was heard, and nothing comes of it.” (Actual mail delivery to our home one day recently. Message received: Buy all you want for the illusion of completing you, refinance your debt when that doesn’t work, then buy all you want again, push and repeat.)

“The seed cast on good earth is the person who hears and takes in the News, and then
produces a harvest beyond his wildest dreams.”

Weeds spread quickly; they choke out the good growth. Weeds that may appear insignificant on the surface will often surprise you with their amazing strength. Strong boys can be sent toppling backwards in attempts to pull them up. Sin patterns in our life that may appear inconsequential initially may be laying down thick root systems that will be hard to pull up later. “There’s a way of life that looks harmless enough; look again---it leads straight to hell,” Prov. 14:12.

When it comes to the junk in our life, God is the great recycler! He takes junk and makes it usable! Compost scrap veggies, fruits, egg shells and weeds break down to make rich soil that nourishes new growth. God recycles the junk in our life to bring beauty and nourish growth. "God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, He brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us..." 2 Cor. 1:3-4.

Pumpkin seeds thrown in compost from the previous fall surprise us by sprouting pumpkin plants right in the midst of all the compost trash! The pumpkin plant pictured on the left is the small plant in the center of the image. Just 3 ½ weeks later and the plant has grown to take over almost the whole compost area. It is thriving in the rich soil created by all the organic matter. The plant is undeterred by the daily piles of organic matter thrown on and around it; it thrives because the soil is so rich. “God’s righteousness doesn’t grow from human anger. So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardner, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life,” James 1:20-21.

The pumpkin wasn’t alone in surprising us. We tried starting tomatoes in peat pots but they dried up from lack of watering, so, we threw the peat pots in the compost. Several weeks later we noticed tomatoes growing in compost! We failed to grow tomatoes in tiny peat pots, but they managed to work themselves into the rich compost soil and thrive. There are phases of our life when our spiritual growth may be stagnate, our lives feel parched and we are far from thriving. Yet, intentional changing of conditions in your life may find astounding growth just around the corner.