“Accepting someone’s help is as good as giving someone help. This is a large work I’ve called you into, but don’t be overwhelmed by it. It’s best to start small. Give a cool cup of water to someone who is thirsty, for instance. The smallest act of giving or receiving makes you a true apprentice. You won’t lose out on a thing,” Mth. 10:41-42.
“Strength is for service, not status. Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, “How can I help?” That’s exactly what Jesus did. He didn’t make it easy for Himself by avoiding people’s troubles, but waded right in and helped out,” Rom. 15:1.
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The process was both inspiring and comical as I watched these boys growing strength of perseverance. They wanted this victory and I wanted them to have it. Wyatt couldn’t get the bag off the ground, but his big 8 year old brother could. A little help with the lifting and then he’d be all over the carrying. The bag leveled him to the ground twice, but he persisted with a dogged determination and his big brother’s help lifting it up to him over and over again. Tad was tiring, but determined to persist and prevail. They spurred each other on; ‘iron sharpens iron’ I told them! (Prov. 27:17)
With a combined effort and cheering on from me, these boys were able to accomplish what most people (including me) would have told them they couldn’t. I watched an internal strength of resolve being built in them as they conquered this task. When I’m congratulating them on tasks like this I always say, with high fives, ‘growing boys strong in body, mind, spirit and service.’ They are learning that a job may be difficult, may require several attempts, may need a call in for reinforcements, but is within their power to complete. The boys are growing to understand their need of each other and the amazing things they can accomplish with perseverance. They are growing into young men who are complaining less and persevering more in our large tasks.
I am convinced the boys’ ability to do these things has nothing to do with anything exceptional about them; instead it has been built gradually along the way with increasing challenges. It started very simply and grew with time. As toddlers they were taught to come along side and help clean up (which always created more work, but veteran moms encouraged me it would pay off in the future if I established the pattern now. Thank you veteran moms!). Simple tasks grew to include carrying things like library bags with their selections, beach toy bags, groceries, cooler bags, and party set up equipment.
As the boys grow, so do the number and difficulty of the tasks, just as in life. A friend came to play on our garden work day and I said, ‘oh sorry Austin, today’s a work day, not a playday.” He responded with, “ok, what are we working on” and jumped right in. We’ve seen this on many occasions. When camaraderie is built (and it will have an ugly whining side at times that as parents we must persevere through) kids can accomplish things they thought impossible and truly get a sense for the valuable contribution they made. A sense of accomplishment is birthed from tasks like this that spurs them with confidence towards greater challenges ahead.
I love to learn people’s stories or be sitting in a waiting room and overhear a conversation that gets my wheels spinning. Recently I overheard a gentleman in his 60’s speaking about his children with the doctor who apparently was a friend. “The best thing I ever did for my kids was teach them, ‘there’s things you don’t wanna do, but gotta get done.’ I told them that a lot and now they know how to take care of their business. My daughter will call up and tell me about some problem with her husband. I’ll ask her to tell me all about it then I show her where she had a part in the mess. She tells me, ‘Daddy I love you for always giving it to me straight.’” Wow. What a cool snippet to glean from someone while waiting for an appointment!
When our boys decided they wanted to plant a garden, after walking through our dear friend, Keli's at harvest time, we saw this as a perfect opportunity to teach many life lessons. After tilling the ground there were clumps of grass that needed to be removed so we cast a vision for a dirt ramp the boys could build from the clumps. It took all afternoon (with a fair amount of complaining and desire to quit) for them to clear the grass clumps out and haul them to the pile they were building. What made the job worth it---the prospect of being able to ride a ramp with their bikes and razor motorcycles. There was a lot of satisfaction in seeing what they had accomplished, but even more when they rode those first jumps!
I am building this perseverance into them for their future families. They will probably be with me about 18 years before they begin to branch out into the world. Lord willing, they will be someone’s husband and father for much longer than they will be under my shepherding care at home. I want to equip them to persevere through the challenging and unappealing tasks that go hand in hand with adult life. I don’t want to rob them of the immense satisfaction or resolve that comes from having conquered these seemingly insurmountable feats. I pray they see their father’s example of sacrificial love that summons him to many an unappealing task. Their life abounds with people who reach into them with service and I sense a desire on their part already to pay that forward.
I’ll never forget a sermon our dynamic youth pastor, Lance Burch, gave about protecting our kids. The illustration that stuck with me involved David’s path of growth. David had to slay a lion and a bear first to prepare him for the task of one day slaying Goliath and then going on to be king of Israel. Lance asked us what jobs or tasks (lions and bears) we thought were too difficult for our kids that we might be shielding them from instead of allowing God to grow them so they’d be prepared when they met their Goliath some day. That has always stuck with me and the boys and I have talked about it often. One day I over heard William say, while struggling with a task, “ooooh this is hard, David had to fight a lion and a bear first before he could defeat Goliath…well I don’t know how I’m gonna do that because I don’t think there are any lions and bears around here.” He’s still got some figuring out to do, but he’s getting there!
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