Needles (fear)

Three moms and 8 little boys all were headed home on a three hour journey after a beach weekend away they would not soon forget. The weekend was full of laughter, sun and surf, “booger ice cream”, Thrasher’s fries, bingo, Stratego, hives, and one little boy’s first time ever sleep over.

There was one issue though that kept rearing its ugly head throughout the weekend though, a 7 year old boy’s struggle with Type I Juvenile Diabetes.

Carson’s not a kid who lets his diabetes stop him from any typical little boy activities. I had known him for months on the football field before I ever even knew he had diabetes.

But not being able to wear his pump at the beach had really thrown his diabetes into a terrible cycle of highs and lows. His mom’s best attempts to reign in this unpredictable beast proved to be a lesson in futility. IV lines jammed with sand, sun took it’s toll, supplies ran low and mom’s concern only continued to mount as her precious son just wanted to run in the surf with his friends and forget about the disease he lives with daily.

Diabetes and one mother were squaring off toe to toe that weekend. This fight required a delicate balancing act. But, despite her best efforts, diabetes quite simply refused to submit to every effort to manage it. The worry was evident on mom’s watchful face.

The last day on the beach had seen a turn around because a dressing had been found that would allow Carson to wear his pump on the beach. Scales were tipped in favor of mom’s perseverance to provide a ‘normal’ day of play at the beach for her boys.

However, hours later while driving home Carson’s numbers were telling a different story. His body would not respond to adjustments made through the pump and mom began to fret over the decision that she knew was right around the corner.

‘I really should give him a shot. Ohh, but I really would just like us to get home first because we are getting so close and it’s not going to be pretty,’ she said.

‘Do whatever you need to do to keep him safe. If we need to stop, we stop. If he throws a fit because he has to get a shot, then he throws a fit. It doesn’t matter, you just do what you need to do and tell us how to help,’ I said.

Carson knew what was coming and fear crept in, ‘no Mom, I don’t want to get a shot, I don’t want to!’ he said with urgency and obvious trepidation. Despite his best effort to hold them back, the tears began.

Wyatt seeing his friend in distress asked, ‘does Carson need to get a shot Ms. Kelly?’

“Yes, he does Wyatt,” she replied.

“You can give me his shot,” Wyatt replied with an obvious desire to take this pending pain from his friend.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever been prouder of him than in that moment. Sometimes the impulsiveness I'd been working so hard to try and reign in and redirect with Wyatt led him to moments like this. This was the sacrificial love we had talked about in theory when we studied God’s Word but now here it was in practice!

In my mind I was taken back to when Wyatt was a year and a half old.We were in the doctor’s office getting shots and he had gone first. Then his twin brother went and I’m quite sure Will’s howling could be heard rooms away.

“Oh, did you see that look he is giving me and that stink eye! He is mad at me!’ the nurse said.

‘Yes, I saw! Wyatt’s not hiding how angry he is that you just hurt William. He’s letting you know the best way he can as a one year old,’ I laughed.

We still joke and reproduce that furrowed brow, angry leaning in face with an angry snort that Wyatt gave the nurse that day. Today he likes to say he was trying to blow boogies on her to make her stop hurting Will!

Now, here he was 5 years later still not wanting to see someone he loved get hurt. Only now he had the words to convey his intent and he was willing to take onthis hurt himself.

Kelly thanked Wyatt and explained that it wouldn’t help Carson if he didn’t get the shot, but what a wonderful friend he was to offer. Carson seemed to perk up a bit and we began to talk about what all the boys could do to help their friend.

“You can pray for Carson that he’ll be brave for his shot. Maybe we can sing him our song we sing when we are afraid---‘brave like David in the lion’s den, brave like Jonah in the belly of a whale, brave like Joshua at the battle of Jericho….” I sang knowing we were moments from pulling over for the shot.

We pulled over and I gave all the boys drinks while Carson went to get his shot in private. As I stood handing out drinks Carson came to ask for one.

“Oh, not yet, you need to get your shot first and then see how your numbers are,’ I said.

“I did get my shot and it’s ok,’ he replied non chalantly.

“What! Get out! I didn’t hear one peep out of you! Are you kidding me!!?? That’s it, we’ve got a new line to add to our song. It’s going to be, “Brave like Carson when he’s getting a shot,” I said.

Carson’s smile beamed ear to ear and so did the other boys. I marveled how a lesson God had taught me about using his Word to combat fear in my boys lives was rising to the surface again years later (“Lord of the Flies—Worry,” June 2010 blog). Carson was the brave one and now he had been placed in the ranks of biblical heroes like Daniel and Joshua. That’s the power of the Word of God to build courage into a life!

I thought how quickly we are to wish and pray away all these uncomfortable/messy/sad/devastating and anxious moments and ask God to replace them with predictability. We want moments that make us comfortable, but as Rick Warren reminds us, God’s more interested in our character than our comfort and our holiness than our happiness. It seems predictability is never where the Spiritof God is developed in our lives. Love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control are truly grown in the trenches!

In this moment I understood what God meant when He told us to come to Him with thanksgiving for everything. The diabetes I had been cursing because of the strain I saw it place on people I love, had now become a conduit to develop God’s kindness and gentleness between two friends. I was able to tell God, ‘thank You that You take sordid things like diabetes and use them to grow beauty. Thank You for making devoted mothers like Kelly who goes about her day with such sacrifice to all her around her. Thank You for giving her strength to rise to each new challenge she faces to protect her children. Thank You that You invest in our lives through the things we would wish away so that you can develop beauty not found in the comfortable spots we seek.

Carson enjoying his first ever sleep over (Mom was one room over so she would be able to check his numbers in the middle of the night) while Tad reads him a story.